Thursday, December 31, 2015

How a Ping Pong Table changed my Life

I still remember the day I started moving into my first house in Boise. The movers were bringing boxes in the front door of the split level home and asking me where I would like them stacked . I had to make a solid decision because it was literally an Up or Down decision. There was no in between. Anyone who came through the front door had to decide in 2 steps or less where they wanted to go because the house was awkwardly separated into two equal levels with a 5x5  entry way in the middle. Within about 4 hours, I knew I had made a mistake. What was I thinking? I bought a 70's house! It had oak paneling and forest green carpet. It was HIDEOUS and it was mine. I lived there for 4 years, ashamed to invite anyone over for fear that they too would realize I was not cool enough to be their friend, since I lived in an ugly house, which naturally means I must be an ugly person. After 4 years, we were relieved of the ugly house as part of our failed business venture. I was traumatized by the failure, but secretly relieved to be free of the house. 


It wasn't the first ugly house I lived in and it wasn't the last. I'll save you the details, but we struggled for another 4 years before we saved the necessary money to purchase another one. During those 4 years, I continued to feel ashamed of my surroundings. I continued to tie my self worth to the appearance of my dwelling. I kept right on isolating myself and my children from people around us because I was afraid they would find out I was an ugly person living in an ugly home. In 2008, it happened. We saved the 20% down payment for a home of our choosing. I was ecstatic to finally be moving into a space that I could invite people over to. A place where I could feel safe and secure in my value because pretty people live in pretty houses.  I had so much fun furnishing and decorating and organizing. I loved walking into this new home and feeling...beautiful. Because my house was beautiful. I especially loved the open, spacious dining room and living room. The dining room has beautiful wood floors and huge picture windows that provide the ideal setting for hosting large dinner parties. Life was good.

Then my son took up Ping Pong. It started innocently enough with games at school and friends houses. He seemed to really enjoy it, but we are not a sporty family so I didn't think much of it. Then one day back in October, he asked if we could purchase a ping pong table. Sure, I said. We can put one on the back porch.  Except it snows here and no one wants to play ping pong in the snow. Then we can put it in the theater. Except the theater is too small. The only place in the house large enough to accommodate a ping pong table was...you guessed it...the living room. I stated a compromise that seemed acceptable to me-we would keep the ping pong table on the back porch, and roll it into the living room on the rare occasions that someone actually wanted to play. I was sure it would be maybe twice per month.  It came to live with us in November. A beautiful, Stiga, professional ping pong table. Larger than any ping pong table i've ever seen. And my husband set it up right in the middle of my living room. And it's stayed there pretty much ever since. 



It doesn't match my Pier 1 decor at all. At first glance, it is large, ugly, and definitely an eyesore. I'm a bit of a minimalist and it makes the whole space seem cluttered and closed. I also LOVE the sound of silence, so the constant bouncing of balls and smacking of paddles is pretty troubling. It also seems to attract clutter like all horizontal surfaces do. Its frequently home to a stack of papers and a half complete school project. It could be my worst nightmare come true...if it didn't make my family so damn happy. Multiple times every day, my son invites another family member to play a game. Teenage friends come over and break into a smile when they walk in and see the table. Our homeschool recess is so much more enjoyable now that theres actually something to do. We've spent a lot of hours talking and laughing around this monstrosity of a table and suddenly it doesn't matter so much how it looks. It doesn't matter that my living room is imperfect. 


I am amazed and humbled and grateful that it took a Ping Pong table to teach me that its not about the house. I had it so backwards for so many years, falsely believing that my value was a reflection of my surroundings. The Ping Pong table taught me that its the value of the people what determine the value of the home. SO now I have a Ping Pong table in my living room, because I value children, not houses. 

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Falling off the Wagon

This is an uncomfortable post to write. Up until now I've talked a lot about PAST struggles and PAST challenges and OTHER PEOPLE"S pain. It feels pretty safe to say "I used to be a disaster, and look how far i've come". The last couple weeks have been rough. Messy and ugly in more ways than i can describe.  Now that i've had some time to reflect on it, I can give some thoughts about what went wrong and how I (and hopefully you) can gain wisdom and understanding form that about the nature of mental and emotional health.



First you have to know that last week I fell off the wagon, HARD. Not a graceful fall, but an ugly crying, skinned knees, gash in my head kind of fall. What wagon, you may ask? The
Happy,Healthy wagon.  I found myself in such a negative, dark, hopeless place that I couldn't see my way out. I've written pretty openly about how I USED to be really sad and I USED to be hopeless and I USED to be full of shame. And last week, I found out that those things are there, lurking under the surface, waiting to rear their ugly head if I get lazy.

It all started with weight loss. I committed to a super strict no-carb, no-sugar, no-fat eating plan to shed a few pounds. Food is something I have used for years to cope with the little stresses of every day life, and I eliminated that coping mechanism. Strike #1. As part of the low calorie eating plan, I had to refrain from exercise. Strike #2. Then I read a book by Brenee Brown called "Gifts of Imperfection" and experienced a sort of breakdown/awakening about all the shame I have been trying to run from for so many years. It was so much to process emotionally. Strike #3. Add to that a traveling husband, a bout of family food poisoning, a total lack of structure and schedule, and you have a perfect storm. A storm of negativity that shed massive amounts of wind and rain and sleet on our family and left some emotional wreckage in its wake.



In the midst of this storm, it looked like nothing good existed in my world. I felt hopeless and alone and like a failure at life. And because that pain was too much to hold onto, I tried to transfer it to other people. Suddenly my kids were lazy (never mind the vomiting-suck it up!), my husband was unsupportive (also vomiting, in a  hotel room 1000 miles away), I was ugly (again, illness is not attractive), I was in terrible shape (30 days of no exercise), the yard was a mess (it's fall; leaves are messy), and the list goes on and on. It seems totally ridiculous now, but at the time, ti FELT so real and so reasonable and so final. Perhaps you've been there. I was grumpy and critical and complaining and sad. I was nothing like the person I have chosen to be. I was a disaster mentally, emotionally, and physically.

For a moment, I felt fear that I was losing it. All the traction I had gained over years of recovery had fallen apart and someone would haul me into a professional;s office who would prescribe something to change me and make me into something "acceptable" and "stable".  But what I needed was not a drug. What I needed was perspective, space to think, and some solid coping skills. At some point, I reached out to my sister who has know me long enough to know I needed a stern talking to which she promptly delivered. And then she sent me flowers. Those flowers gave me a ray of hope. And then I decided that some fresh air would do me good, so I went into my back yard. And then i decided that if I went for a walk, it would be even better, so I did. And then I realized I hadn't taken my supplements in about 4 days, so I took them. And then I remembered that I hadn't been using my oils, so I opened the bottle and took a deep breath, and felt the clouds begin to part. And then I was back. One tiny choice at a time, and I was back.



I am so grateful for this experience because of what it taught me. I am not invincible. I am not broken, but i must be vigilant. I cannot be lazy or half-hearted about my own physical and mental health. If I am to be the woman I want to be and the wife and mother I choose to be, I have to take care of ME. I have to be gentle with myself. I cannot attempt to do more than I am able. I must exercise every single day. I must take my supplements every single day. I must choose to see the positive every single day. I have to respect the stability and security that comes from the daily routines that others may call rigid or extreme. I have a deep respect for the ability they give me to live a drug free, authentic existence. Please have the courage to fight for your own health every single day, one moment, one drop, one choice at a time.  And if you fall off the wagon, its okay, just get back on;)

Thursday, October 1, 2015

When Self Love Makes You Fat

I have joined/spearheaded/committed to 3 fitness challenges in the last year. I'm a pretty disciplined person so I thought it would be easy. I don't have a HUGE weight problem and I don't have an deep rooted emotional issues (yeah, right) so it will be simple. Just be conscious of your food choices and listen to what your body is telling you. The first fitness challenge began a month before I dropped my firstborn off at the MTC (missionary Training Center) for a 2 year church service mission. I had been doing really well in spite of family gatherings and holiday treats. I drove him to Provo, UT and dropped him off at the curb for a super fast goodbye.


As soon as I got back in the car, without my boy, I could not stifle an uncontrollable stream of hysterical sobs. It was far more painful than I had anticipated letting him go.  I sat with the pain for a few minutes, allowing myself the luxury of these ugly, violent sobs, and then I thought "enough is enough", and I reached for some chocolate.  And that was the end of my discipline. I made a conscious choice to stifle my pain with food.

I've been much more aware since that day of when I am using food to suffocate and emotion. I've even become attuned to which foods are most effective at silencing which emotions. Sadness? cookie please. Stressed? Salt and Vinegar chips. Angry? Boneless Buffalo Wings. And it works, though I've been trying to do it less and less. So now its been a year, and I feel like I have this negative emotional eating under control, and i'm really ready to shed these 20 pounds before they get too comfortable on my hips. I began a pretty strict eating plan about a week ago and its going really well. I'm dropping pounds just like I expected to, but something bizarre is happening. I'm experiencing all of these random emotions rearing their ugly heads from my past. In an effort to understand these feelings, I turned to a book I've been meaning to read for a few years.


In this book I found a concept that hugely impacted me-Brene' does a beautiful job of defining love.

"Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them-we can only love others as much as we love ourselves."

Self-love is the limiting factor in how much love we have to offer other people! 

And she continues: "Practicing self love means learning how to...treat ourselves with respect, and to be kind and affectionate toward ourselves"

As I contemplated this, I felt like I do a pretty good job of practicing self-love. I do nice things for myself all the time. I stop in at Sees candy when I'm at the Apple store.  I treat myself to a hot cocoa at Starbucks on a chilly day. I meet my friends for lunch a couple times per month. I experiment with new recipes I love on Sundays. Wait....do you see the pattern that I saw? All of the self love I practice involves FOOD! All of it! And this had led me to an interesting question: 

How do you practice self love that doesn't make you fat?

It seems like I've loved myself right into this place of feeling unhealthy and dissatisfied with my appearance...which is not love....but if self-love is the way to find love....and I usually love myself with food....how do I get out of this cycle?

I've been brainstorming for the past 24 hours and I've come up with some good ideas, but i'd love to hear your thoughts on ways you "treat yourself" without using food.

Here are some of my ideas so far:

Take a walk
Get a pedicure
Use some yummy lotion
Yoga
Meditation
Charming Charlie's
Read a book you don't HAVE to
Sit in the back yard
Essential Oils 
Watch a movie

What are your ideas? Leave a comment and when I get 10, I'll do a drawing for a free oil!


**And Beware if you are embarking on a weight loss journey-every pound of fat you lose releases a repressed emotion that you need to have a plan to deal with when it rears its ugly head...preferably one that doesn't involve chocolate. 





Friday, September 25, 2015

How I Gave up Showering and got Peace

I have a confession to make.  I love to be in control. I love to plan and schedule and create order. I was raised on Stephen Covey,  and the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People pulse through my veins.


First things First.
                      Begin with the End in Mind.
    Roles and Goals.
        Big Rocks and Pebbles.
If you have no idea what i'm talking about, you can check out his work here here. Its fantastic.

My children believe in .... oh wait...nothing at all. They believe in sleep and reading and pizza. Its been a bit of a conflict for the past 19 years.   I feel like i've been in a tug of war with absolute chaos. The most accurate term I've ever heard is pushing ropes. Thats what my life feels like. To be fair, they are wonderful, intelligent, kind, moral, talented and all around cool kids, but they defy structure like a blob of GAK. (You could even use a 4 letter acronym that starts with A and ends with D to define them and you would be right, but I refuse the label.) It's a problem, mostly mine, because jello isn't really affected by much.




I'll confess that i've been pretty judgy about it all these years. I have a crystal clear picture of what life needs to look like and they have been screwing it up since day 1. Especially my mornings. Mornings are the most important part of the day. How you create your morning determines how you create your life. I'm SERIOUS.  (Its habit #1, Begin with the End in Mind.)

Here are the things that need to happen in the morning.

1. 1 hour of personal study
2. 1 hour exercise
3. Shower, dress, makeup
4. Clean room
5. Family devotional
6. Breakfast
7. Make lunches
8. Clean kitchen
9. Backpack Check (remember the acronym)


All of this must be done in time to leave the house at 8:15am so I can spend 75 minutes in the car driving the children to their various educational programs.

For years I've been 99% consistent on #1-5. I felt pretty strongly that children should be empowered to  take care of 6-9 themselves. After all, the goal of childhood is to teach independence, right? And I was empowering them to be responsible, right?




Then about a month ago, I read a book called Essentialism that rocked my world. It takes Covey to a whole new level. Essentialism is defined as "The disciplined pursuit of less". In this book, Greg Mckeown challenges the reader to identify their "Essential Intent". He poses the question "If you could only do ONE thing well in your life, what would it be?" I narrowed the question down and asked myself "If I could focus on only ONE thing for the next five years, what would it be?"



Why five years? Five years from now, my youngest child will go to college, so it's the amount of time I have left with children living in my home. Children-Chaos makers, blobs of GAK-and also the source of all my greatest joy. As I pondered this question, I realized that there is only one thing that really matters. My essential intent is that the next five years are lived in such a  way that these children, when they are grown, want to come back and visit. That they want me as part of their lives. If this is the ONE thing, then how should that be reflected in my life, in my day, in my morning?

It forced me to re-evaluate my morning priorities. I was so busy focusing on efficiency and outward appearance that I was not taking time to enjoy these awesome people I created! Looking at the list of musts, there are several things I cannot budge on. Exercise is essential for my mental and physical health. Time to connect with God and ponder is what keeps me alive. My bedroom takes about 5 minutes, so it's not a huge deal. I desperately wanted 30 minutes to BE with my kids and make them breakfast and visit with them before the day began and I couldn't figure out where to get it. Until I considered the unthinkable. I could give up showering.



I don't mean give it up altogether. I mean, put it off until the kids are fed and dropped off at school. It runs counter to everything I was taught. What would my mother think? What if the other mothers saw me in my spandex with my hair up in a ponytail? What if I got in a car accident and the officer saw me like that? What if I got distracted and NEVER showered and it was 5 pm and I looked like a hag? What if it derailed all my success in life and business and I ended up as a total FAILURE all because I left the house without hair and makeup?

This leads us to another key point of the book. Everything in life is a trade off, so instead of asking "How can I do both?" ask yourself "Which problem do I want to have?".  I applied this bit of wisdom to the situation and the answer was clear. If I have to choose between the problem of starting my day an hour later and consequently accomplishing less or the problem of a lonely and miserable existence because my children feel no connection to me, I will take less productivity any day. Its been a week and it's been awesome. I have freed myself from the pressure to do it all and i've truly enjoyed that 30 minutes each morning connecting with my family before the rush starts. I've seen more of the beauty in my kids and less of the negative.

I invite you today to take a hard look at your life and ask yourself What is YOUR essential intent. Does the flow of your day represent your true priorities? Stop trying to do it all and choose to do what's essential.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

The Awkward Phase

I've been thinking a lot lately about transformation. In nature, transformation is what turns a caterpillar into a butterfly.


In fitness programs, it's what turns frumpy housewives into gorgeous beach beauties.


On HGTV, it takes an old fixer upper and creates an envy inducing designer space.


We celebrate transformation in every form. We are obsessed with Before and After pictures, but do we really understand what lies in between the Before and the After? It's the Awkward phase.

At least that's how I've always looked at it. The In-between phase. Not quite here nor there. You know when you're trying to make an amazing cake, but halfway through the kitchen looks like a bomb exploded? Or when you're preparing for a huge presentation and your family is living on Macaroni and Cheese for 3 days? Or when you're adorable little girl turns 12 and she's not quite baby and not quite woman? Still clinging to baby dolls and needing acne cream at the same time?

This morning I was on a walk and I saw the most amazing thing....a tree in transition. Okay, its actually a bush, but isn't it beautiful?


When I saw this bush, I didn't think 

"Gee, you're a loser.  You aren't totally transformed." or 
"Get with the program, it's almost fall and you should already be RED" or 
"You should really hire some help so you can get this done more efficiently."

I just admired it's diversity and its beauty. Why can't we do that for ourselves and our families? Why do we have such a hard time embracing the in-between phase? 

My son taught me such a great lesson about this. A few days ago, his hair was quite long and really out of control. He begged me to take him to get a haircut. Since i'm always looking for the most efficient way to do things, I chose the haircut location closest to the other errands I needed to run. It just so happened to be a barber college. No big deal, right?  Its just a boy cut. Well, an hour later, he emerged form the chair with a style that looks almost exactly like this. He was not impressed.


"She cut it TO the AWKWARD phase" was his comment. 
I felt SO BADLY. (remember, it was my choice of location) 
"Lets go get it cut at the regular place," I suggested.  "I'm sure they can fix it." 
"No," he replied, "I can work with this. I just have to style it." 

And there it was. He fully recognized the imperfection of the haircut and he was totally willing to work with it. From the mouths of teenage boys.

I'm trying to embrace the beauty of the transition. The drastic change in a person, a room, or a butterfly doesn't happen in a moment. It takes time, effort, and usually a fair amount of chaos to get from A to B. Did you know that caterpillars completely liquefy inside that cocoon and are totally re-assembled into butterflies? If you were to open the cocoon a week early, all you would see was liquid. And that buffed woman? 2 weeks before that "after" picture she was yelling at her kids because all she really wanted was some chocolate, but she knew it would screw up her diet. That living room? 3 hours before the "after" shot, it still had piles of trash and painter's tape on the walls. So next time you feel impatient with where you are in your transition, try to remember the bush. Change is a process thats full of beauty if you will allow it.






Wednesday, July 1, 2015

YOU, not them

I've been a health nut more or less for the past 12 years. My children translate that as the food nazi. The killer of all joy. It means that when they ask for pancakes, what they get is not the Bisquick and Mrs. Butterworth's  of their dreams, but a sprouted wheat concoction made with mashed bananas instead of sugar, coconut oil instead of butter, and nut milk instead of dairy topped with unsweetened plain yogurt and chopped walnuts. This hilarious video gives a good idea of life in our home.


                               

All these years, I have been quietly resentful that I had to go to such great lengths to prepare this healthy food in order to save my children from the evils of a fallen society. I mean it would be super easy to just purchase all that processed food, but I was working SO HARD to provide healthy food and they didn't appreciate it at all! Then there was my husband. He kept a not-so-secret stash of Ben and Jerry's in the extra freezer behind the organic side of beef and a drawer full of Caramel Ho-Ho's in his desk at work. No wonder the kids always wanted to go "visit him" at the office. It makes my normally low blood pressure rise just thinking about it. I was sure that if I could just get my husband and my children truly invested in a healthy lifestyle, everything would fall into place.  My health goals would be so much easier to achieve if I just had their support.

Then, my sister gave us this crazy idea of participating in something called the "Whole 30". If you haven't read up on it, you should. It is the ultimate healthy eating plan. I offered my family a hefty prize if they would join me in this super cleanse for a period of 30 days.They hemmed and hawed, but ultimately agreed. And they did an awesome job. They passed on Pizza, and cookies, and candy, and ice cream. Usually multiple times per day. We were shocked at how much junk food is pushed by well meaning church workers, school teachers, and neighborhood moms.  I felt righteously indignant.

It was all good for the first week. Then, on about day 15, I really just wanted a piece of Sees candy. A dark chocolate bordeaux to be exact. I resisted the craving for nearly a week, but then it was more than I could bear. I cheated. I. The mom. The health nut. I broke the Whole 30. And the kids persevered. It was a downward spiral from there. I felt so liberated by the Sees Candy that I really didn't want to go back on Whole 30 at all. I wanted to enjoy birthday cake and tortillas and popcorn again. I talked the kids into quitting. We all abandoned it at 27 days. 


Why do I share this story? Why bare my moment of weakness and humiliation? Because I learned some really valuable lessons that may be helpful for you.

Lesson 1- It really never was about the kids or my husband. Sure, it's annoying to hear them complain about healthy food, but I alway held the power. I always held the power to shape the food choices in our home, and more importantly I had control over what I put in my body.

Lesson 2- Moderation in all things really is the way to go. I thought that ridding our lives completely of sugar, grains, dairy, and (gasp) blended up food would lead to bliss, but really it just led to some serious backlash. Ive managed to eat pretty darn healthy and work out 5 days per week for over 10 years, but my desire to become totally perfect for 30 days sent my whole healthy lifestyle into the crapper. And I'm still recovering. You don't always have to push yourself in every area. Its okay to be pretty good.

Lesson 3- It really is all about YOU, not them. If you want to change your family, start with yourself. I wonder how much energy we as mother's expend in the interest of "helping" our families.  I propose that the most powerful thing we can do for our families is to show them what it looks like to be a happy, healthy, successful adult. Children don't do what we TELL them to, they do what they see US do. Babies walk and talk because they see us walk and talk. So, forget about your kids, forget about your husband, and focus on yourself-in every area where you want to see improvement. If you want to lose weight, start eating better. If you want to be stronger, start working out. If you want to be smarter, study every day. If you want to build your bank account, start a business. If you think people should spend less time on screens, put your laptop away. If Facebook is taking over your life, delete YOUR account. If you want to improve your family's health- HEAL MOM FIRST.


Friday, February 20, 2015

Lessons Learned on a Ranch

My three youngest kids have had some huge opportunities and huge growth in the last month. They started out the New Year with big dreams of saving enough money to buy a horse. We live in a subdivision in a suburb on a 1/4 acre lot. It didn't seem like a realistic goal to me, but they were committed. They made dream boards with pictures of horses plastered all over them and hung them on their bedroom wall. They had perfect faith that it would happen.



Two days later, we received a call from a friend who owns a horse ranch. He was looking for some kids to muck stalls (swim in horse poop) three days per week. The pay was enough that they would be able to earn enough for a horse in three months. They accepted the challenge with the agreement that if would be really hard work, but that I would support them as long as their education didn't suffer. They had good days and bad days. The job was to clean 15 stalls per day. Some days they cleaned all 15 and some days they only made it through 8. They were paid by the job, so on the days they couldn't get all 15 done, even if it took 9 hours, they didn't get full pay.



They stuck with it for a whole month, but in the end they decided that it was affecting their school work and they wanted a little more time to be kids. I am so proud of them! I asked them to reflect on the experience and tell me what they had learned. What made the difference between a day where they cleaned 8 stalls and a day when they finished all 15? I was blown away by their answers and I think they have huge value for anyone trying to accomplish a big goal:

1. The weather doesn't really matter. If the weather is bad, it makes things less comfortable, but it doesn't really change how much we get done.

2. Attitude is everything. If we started out the day in a good mood and determined to do good, we usually did.

3. Don't get distracted by things that don't matter.

4. Don't take too many breaks. You just have to keep working even when you don't really feel like it.

5. We don't really want to own a horse if it takes that much hard work all the time. We would rather just go ride when we want to and let someone else own it.

Can you see the power in those lessons? So today my wisdom comes from two of my favorite 12 year old girls.

When pursuing a goal, remember that external circumstances don't really matter. Attitude is everything, Don't get distracted, Don't rest too long or too often, and above all, make sure the goal you are pursuing is really the goal you want to achieve. Be willing to change your goal if it isn't right.

Friday, February 13, 2015

How Much Happiness can you Stand?

The other day, I woke up to the sun shining after days of fog and clouds. Yes! This is going to be a good day. I sat in bed for a few minutes and reflected on all the good that I had received over the last couple of months. My kids are all happy, no one is sick, my husband just got a big promotion, my business is thriving, My savings account is growing, I have lost 5 pounds, and the future looks bright. I checked my schedule for the day and remembered I had a lunch date with one of my favorite friends. And it just kept going! The day was awesome! I helped the kids with homeschool, met my friend for lunch, and came home and prepared dinner. All was good in fairyland, until my husband walked through the door from work and before I knew it, we were having an argument. I don't even know what we were arguing about. I didn't know then and I don't know now.   What I do know is that I started it. 

Has that ever happened to you before? Things are going great and then, seemingly out of nowhere, conflict comes. You get sick. You lose your job. You yell at one of your kids. Things in you marriage are going fantastic and suddenly you find yourself picking a fight with your spouse? It makes no sense, does it?

I read a book recently that totally changed the way I look at these situations. Its called "The Big Leap" by Gay Hendricks.


Hendricks proposes that we all have a "happiness thermostat" inside our brains that determines how much happiness we are comfortable with. Just like the thermostat in your home, which works to keep the temperature from becoming too hot or too cold, this internal thermostat works to make sure we don't become too happy or too sad. Its a safety mechanism that ensures we will stay inside our comfort zone, far from the perceived threat of the unknown. (Delirious Happiness, Gasp!)

In the last month, so many great things have happened that I thought to myself repeatedly , "This is the happiest I have ever been! This feels too good to be true! I wonder when the other shoe is going  to drop?" And then, my subconscious mind kicked in to make sure the other shoe DID drop, so I wouldn't have to walk around in fear of WHEN it did. All of that happened without thinking, and I initiated an argument with my husband to bring myself right back to my happiness comfort zone-not too much, not to little. 73 degrees of happiness.

Once we recognize the way we are self sabotaging our happiness, we can recognize it and move past it. 


 How much Happiness can you Stand?